Thoughts On My Mind 

• Finding enough work for the summer so I will be financially stable for the school year
• Some days I feel like I hate my job, but overall I'm still making money. Now that shifts are cut and it's a mystery of when things will be back to what it used to be, I'm financially worried. It's hard to save up, especially when I'm forking out thousands for a already planned and purchased vacation this summer.  

• Getting myself into my best shape in anticipation of my vacation summer 
• I started this new lifestyle diet change almost 3 months ago, and I am proud of where I am today. Sort of. On the scale, I've dropped 10 pounds and I've been able to keep it off so far. Figure wise, I've been getting complements about looking slimmer and more toned. But ultimately, in my head, there are dark days where I feel like I am not worthy :\ I feel the desire to be better, look better, and feel better - yet I can't seem to find enough motivation and inspiration to do it. Those days, I let me excuses become more powerful than my will power. And I am not proud of that. I want to be able to go on this vacation and let myself fully indulge without feeling guilty, because I know that I have worked very, very hard the last 4 months to deserve it. But at this rate, till today, I don't feel like I have worked hard enough to deserve that. Which is why I am going to let myself mope around for the last 10 minutes of this evening, and get up early and hit the gym HARD tomorrow and get the healthy, weight lifting, positive attitude me back :) 

• Getting myself ready for school mode - worried about what the courses will be like and the challenges I'm up against 
• Only a few of my close ones know that I had thoughts about not continuing school this upcoming year. Long story short, I have decided to give it one more year. Hopefully this year things will change, really be different, and I can prove to not so much others - but mostly to myself that I really can do it. Most importantly, I really hope to find out what I want to do with the rest of my life. Maybe nutrition and food science isn't for me - and that's okay. I've learned a lot the past two years from school and the people from school, so it's not like my time and money has gone to a waste exactly. I almost feel the urge to go to the library, borrow that organic chemistry textbook, and start making some que cards!